16 Signs That Christmas Has Defeated You

The thought of another turkey sandwich makes you want to turn vegetarian

2. The sound of sleigh bells messes with your gag reflex

Warm and fuzzy feeling? More like tepid and coarse.

3. You start to question the validity of tinsel

Who on Earth found necessity in this failed aluminium foil?

4. You identify more with Scrooge than Tiny Tim

Scrooge at the start, that is.

5. Going out is a chore

Your lair has doubled in size since Christmas Eve and you’re not willing to see it shrink in either style nor stature.

6. You can no longer wear jeans

Purely because you have found a new inner truth and are rebelling against the restricting tendencies of zippers and denim.

… or something like that.

7. You start to forget what a gym is

And when you realise, you shudder.

8. Finding AED 10 down the couch makes your month

Your poor, penniless month.

9. You become proud of your dedicated beer belly

Or daiquiri belly, for the hunzos.

10. You’ve taken back up all of your old childhood hobbies…

And have given out bloody murder to your parents for never forcing you into keeping up the fiddle.

11. …only to never touch them again

It’s your parents’ fault anyway. They dimmed your shining light.

12. You’ve seen, and re-seen, every photo ever taken of you since the dawn of time

And wondered what went wrong.

13. You genuinely worry about how you’re going to get into a routine again

Up at 7am? Well that’s practically midnight!

14. Hiding in your room has become your joie de vivre

For it is your Olympic sport. And you, are Usain Bolt.

15. You fear that your body might now be 80% mince pie

But you ain’t complainin’.

16. And finally, you start to think Kevin McAllister actually deserved it

Annoying little sh*t