The 18 types of people you meet at every Arab wedding

Weddings would be so boring without them


if you've been to an Arabic wedding, you'll recognise these characters a mile off. If you haven't been to one, this is what you're missing out on...

1. The dabkeh crew

They sit on the edge of their seats eagerly waiting for the first dabke song to come on so they can bust out their best moves

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2. The Zalghouta queen

This lady’s tongue moves at the speed of light. Her high pitch ululation will haunt your worst nightmares… forever!


3. The buffet police

They'll let everyone know you didn't have lobster and caviar at your wedding, but they'll still stuff their faces with as much hummus and kibbeh as they possibly can

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4. Neighbours of the third degree cousin

Mums be like: “What do you mean you're not going to invite Muna, the neighbour of your third degree half cousin, who we haven't seen in 15 years?!”

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5. The Kosha crashers

They are ready to wrestle the bride and groom out of their 'thrones' in the Kosha centre piece, just to get that precious selfie sat on the best seats in the house

6. The “I swear I wasn’t looking at the belly dancer” husband

But the wife is having none of it and has already thought of three different ways to punish him


7. The shy dancer

People will pull her and maybe even shove her to the dancefloor but she will stand her ground and clap the night away

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8. The 'one move' dancers

Anytime you look at them they will either be snapping their fingers or doing the 'change the light bulb' move…that's all they have


9. The menacing mother of the bride

She will be sending the groom the 'you better not mess up' evil looks from across the room

10. The overprotective best friend

She's the bride’s shadow and the groom’s nightmare. She makes sure the dress, makeup and veil are all in order but doesn't take her eyes off the groom...all at the same time.

11. The cigar smoker

The one who thinks he's in 'Scarface' but all he's really doing is getting smoke in your hair

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12. The flirt machines

Who are we kidding...they're the reason most of us attend these weddings

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13. The dance teachers

They will volunteer to teach non-Arabs how to belly dance. “Now try to draw a number eight with your waist”.

14. The judgmental crew

“Did you see the bride’s face? She looked like the Jotun penguin threw up on it” Yep, go near them at your peril


15. The matchmaking mums

“My son has five university degrees and a PhD in online stalking…did I mention he has an American passport too?”

16. The DJ who plays the 'I Will Survive' song

Arabs have no idea who Gloria Gaynor is but they know every single word to 'I Will Survive'. They even have a special dabkeh dance for it


17. The 'buzzing on candy' kids

These children have more energy than the rest of the guests put together. You affectionately smile at them but you secretly want to glue them to a chair


18. The auditors

They will audit everything: the size of the cake, the price of the dress, how many guests turned up...they've got everything covered

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