The nine types of people you'll see at The Rugby Sevens
From the annoying veterans to the excited newbies – we've got them all covered
The Dubai Rugby Sevens kick off today and as well as some brilliant rugby, it's the place for people watching while getting sozzled. Here's the nine types of people to keep your eyes peeled for...
The ones who go all out with their costumes
A simple wig and glasses won't do for this lot. They've planned their outfit for weeks, months even. They've paid a fortune for it or spent hours making it themselves, while co-ordinating it with the outfits their mates have chosen. This is serious business!
The ones who don't know that Sevens is a rugby tournament
They'll have the best costumes (too consumed with looking great to pay any attention to the sport) but have no idea what's happening in the games. They'll have no idea when one game finishes and another starts. They do know where the closest bar is though.
The ones who are there to support
These guys have travelled far and wide to be here for 'their team' and you'll know them by their full-body warpaint, their vuvuzelas and the oversized flags they insist on waving in everyone's face.
The ones who are there to make the rest of us feel bad
Basically: the cheerleaders. Every man, woman and child will have their eyes on their incredible performances during the half-time shows. They will appear, knock out an unreal routine, demonstrate how bendy the human body can be, and make the entire audience collectively regret the pies they're munching on.
The ones who want to snag a rugby player
Catch this lot checking out the players during the first few games and then later lurking near the main pitch attempting to catch the eye of some unsuspecting scrum-half.
The ones attending their first Sevens
These guys will stick out like a sore thumb; costume-less (bar the obligatory 'I LOVE Sevens' peaked cap). Asking questions about the rules, cheering every single time the rugby ball is in the air. These fresh faced, innocents are balls of energy and enthusiasm and just way too excited about the whole affair.
The players who have been knocked out
These will be the players passed out in the corner after one too many. Physically, they are in peak condition, having trained and eaten clean for months in preparation, however, once their team loses they'll start knocking back the pints like there's no tomorrow.
The ones who went too hard the night before
This group covers the majority of people attending on Saturday. They will be clutching a water bottle like it's a life support machine and avoiding the bar like the plague.
The ones who wish they were playing
You know the type; aging, two stone heavier than they need to be and their favourite pastime is to relive their old glory days. They'll have pre-paid for premium section seats, so avoid this section to save yourself from being bored to tears.